Showing myself to the world

Today two of my images will be shown at one of the largest video billboards at Times Square in New York! It´s the community of See Me that arranges this every year, and two of my images was choosen to be displayed, to my great happiness.

One of the goals that I have for my art is for it to be shown to as many people as possible. Since my art is an investigation in the human soul and mind, I naturally want it to be seen by other people. I explore inner worlds- psychological struggles that we all have to deal with. Our inner world is just as real and important as the outer world. By visualizing these processes, that normally are invisible, sometimes even by ourselves, I hope to be wiser. Through art, we can get to know ourselves better. By showing my art to other people, telling them about the thoughts that I had while creating it, I hope that my image can work as some sort of mirror. What if the viewer starts to think about something within, by looking at my picture, and finds something undiscovered inside herself? That´s my goal and that´s why it feels so amazing to have my art shown at a public space like Times Square tonight!

In the art world, it´s not very correct to say: I wan´t everyone to see my pictures! It´s almost as if your art is slightly better if only a few people like it. If the ”ordinary” people like it, then it can´t be very good, can it? It´s as if art is better if it´s harder to understand. Well, I don´t think like this, obviously. If I did, I wouldn´t be so active on the internet, would I? But I love spreading my art and sharing thoughts with all the wonderful people around the world. I love the fact that you don´t need to visit a specific gallery in a specific city in a specific country in order to see my pictures, you can see them anywhere in the world, as long as you have an internet connection! And there´s also an economic aspect to this, even if I wish that I didn´t need to think about that. But I want to support myself by creating art, and by displaying my art on the internet, I get more opportunities to sell it.

I am creating because it makes me fullfilled. I have always created. Ever since I was a child, I´ve been creative. But these last years, I´ve felt the need to show my creations. It´s no longer enough to create only for myself. I think that something amazing happens when you leave your art to the world, and let other people make it their own. That´s when the magic happens!

On solitude

When I grew up I loved to sit in my room, play the piano, read, write, draw. Sometimes I played with friends. I had friends. But I didn´t have a strong need to be with them. I liked people. I liked my friends. And I loved myself. I could be with myself for a long time without missing friends. Two months during summer, my family spent time in our summer house in the country. I mostly spent time with family. I never missed friends. I had my brother. He was my friend. And I had myself. I was my own playmate, and I didn´t have a hard time coming up with things to do. As the years passed by, I started to get more and more involved in other peoples lives. I started to actually like the idea of friends, and I started to like being with friends more than I had before. As a young adult, I found some really great friends. During a couple of years, I spent a lot of time with them, going out in bars, meeting in cafés, even living together. But I noticed a difference between me and other people. When other people wanted to hang out the whole day, I was satisfied after two hours and wanted to go home. When other people said that they didn´t know what to do and wanted to hang out, I never fully understood this feeling. I´ve always needed much time alone. To charge my batteries. To think. To be creative. I always have something that I want to do. Something that demands my time and full focus. I never get restless.

When my phone rings, I feel stress. I have never liked the sound of a phone ringing. So often, I am focused on something that I´m doing at home, and I feel disturbed by the signal of my phone. If I´m outside, working or meeting someone, it´s much easier. It´s as if I can switch something to on and off. If my social switch is set to off, it can be hard to answer the phone. Many times I let it ring and hope that the person will send me a text message instead. If I´m in my social mode, it feels easy to answer the phone. Most often, I´m not in my social mode. This has led to conflict with some people who feel offended by my need to withdraw and charge my batteries alone.

For a long time, I felt that it was something wrong with me. Therefore, I tried very hard to be ”correct”. I answered my phone all the time, and I tried to be ”a good friend”. I was afraid that other people would be mad at me, angry at me for acting the ”wrong” way and not being as a friend ”should” be. This feeling is so sad, because to me a true friendship is built on love, and if you love someone you often try hard to understand each other. This is a big part of my personality. I can´t hide that I love spending time with myself, and I can´t help that I feel tired after meeting people and that I maybe want the rest of the week to be still and quiet.

When I found my true passion, I started to accept this side of my personality and understand it more. I realized that I´m drawn to a profession where I can work on my own, because that´s what I love to do. I´ve never been a fan of working in groups. I have never felt the need to have a job in order to belong to a group. When I found my passion, it became even more important to take the time to create. I could no longer hang out with friends as much as I had done. Now I needed the time to take photographs, edit them and post them to the internet. For some reason, it felt easier to explain to other people what I was doing since I found photography. Now I had a very clear reason for needing time alone- I needed to work on my photography. But everything is a balance. I still need my friends. I have always needed them. To me, it´s so easy to step into the inner world and the world of creativity and imagination, that I need to drag myself out of there, force myself to get out into the world and meet people. Solitude can turn into isolation,  at least if you´re similar to my personality. This is something that I struggle with. I´ve made many pictures about this: Serenade for solitude, and my whole series Finding Peace, in which I use a bubble to symbolize integrity and isolation.

We live in a society that wants us to be outgoing and active. I´m not socially awkward, I find it easy to talk to people. I love meeting people and hearing their stories! But I have a strong need to be still, get time to think and work on my own. Sometimes I´ve felt that I should spend more time with friends and less time in my own world. That I should arrange big dinners for ten people and have parties. But I know that I wouldn´t feel whole as a person if I didn´t listen to my inner voice that tells me to create. It´s so important to accept who you are, and the first step towards acceptance is by understanding who you are and how you work. It´s nothing wrong with needing time for yourself. Lately, I´ve also read several articles and books on this topic. If you´re interested in this topic, you should read the book ”Quiet- The power of introverts” by Susan Cain. She talks about introverts and extroverts. Introverts gain power by being alone (as I do) and extroverts gain power by meeting other people. Introverts like best to meet one friend at  a time, talking about deep stuff (me!) and extroverts like more to hang out with lots of friends. Most people are a little bit of both, and so am I (I love parties!) but I found it extremely helpful to read about this stuff and to get a better understanding for myself.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Maybe you have a friend like me, or you are just like me? Write a comment and share what you think!

Amazing Iceland

Wow! For six days now me and Victoria have been traveling along the south coast of Iceland to find different landscapes to photograph in. I have never worked this intense before. Usually I take one day to photograph, then I wait for one or more weeks before I photograph my next concept. Now I´ve been photographing several concepts every day. I have to admit that I think I work better when I can be a bit slow, but this is a great experience and it feels amazing to come home with tons of images to start working on! We´ve been on so many amazing places- glacier lagoons, a plain wreck in the middle of nowhere, black beaches, cliffs. I am so in love with the icelandic landscape. Everywhere you look, the sky becomes one with the horizon, and the spaces are never ending. It´s both beauty and emptyness. Fresh air and a lot of weather. Even though we´ve been working very hard every day, I haven´t managed to take all the photos that I wanted. The time just wasn´t enough. I´ll have to go back here soon again!

Mixed pictures from our time in Iceland. From Reykjavik to the south coast.

The Sleep Project on Iceland!

I´m on Iceland! I´m traveling with my friend and colleague Victoria. We both love this country, and both Victoria and I feel that this landscape suits our photography very well. What I love about Iceland is the diversity of the landscape, and most of all I love the inhospitable landscape with black lava, black sand and smoke coming up from the ground. Right now we´re still in Reykjavik. We decided to stay here a couple of days first, to relax a bit and have a great time!

Our plan is to rent a car, drive around the south coast of Iceland and work on our own photography projects together. The best thing about Victoria is that I know she understands what I need when I´m working on a picture. That´s why she can be the best assistant in the world. She can also be an amazing model for my photographs, as I know that I can ask her to do almost anything and she will do it because she understands the importance of it and what I need to fulfill my vision.

When we did our project Roots of imagination, we worked so well together, pushing each other all the time, producing a lot of images. What I´m going to do different this time is that I have one project that I will work on, in order to stay focused. This is a project that I´m very excited to start working on, and I´m not yet sure in what direction it will take me!

Right now, I call this project ”The Sleep Project”. In this project, I will investigate the state between being awake and falling asleep. This is a state that I´ve been thinking a lot about lately. It´s a state that makes me wonder. What is this borderland between reality and dream? My plan is to investigate this state with my photography. This is the state where you might experience the hypnic jerk, which means that you feel like you´re falling or slipping. Or you may see strong colors and patterns or get sleep paralysis. So many scary and interesting things happens at this moment that I feel I have to do a project about this, examining it in my own, artistic way. If you have any thoughts about this state, please tell me about it, I would love to know!

Images shot in studio with a black back drop. When I shot these images as test images I realized that I want to start working on ”The Sleep Project”. The image in the middle is a composite from when I visited Iceland last time in 2010.

Utställning på Österlen

Nu över påskhelgen ställer jag ut min bild Void på galleri Blåherremölla på Österlen i Skåne. Det är min klasskompis Camilla som har ett jättefint galleri i en lada och hon frågade vår klass om vi ville delta i den årliga konstrundan. Jag tackade ja direkt, jag vill verkligen ta alla chanser jag får att ställa ut! Vi är nio stycken från klassen som har en gemensam utställning i galleriet, och jag fick precis ett mail från Camilla som sa att jag hade fått mycket beröm och att några verkar intresserade av att köpa!

Tycker förresten att det låter så fint att säga att jag har utställning på Österlen. Något med det namnet och de associationer jag får när jag skriver det känns så vackert!

Ni kan läsa lite om min serie Finding Peace här.

When I wandered

Laddade precis upp denna bild på facebook och flickr. En bild som jag tog i höstas på landet. Den har legat på datorn och vuxit till sig. Nu kände jag att den var mogen att komma ut och se världen! Bilden är redigerad med ett par kurvor där jag ändrat färger en aning samt mörkat ner i ytterkanterna av bilden. Men ovanligt lite redigering för att vara mig!

En lördag i stan

 

Här är lite bilder från en härlig helgdag för ca två veckor sedan. Jag och Tomas strosade runt i sol i Göteborg, fotade varandra på gatan (bilderna på mig är tagna av Tomas) och kisade mot ljuset. Som ni kan se tog jag till och med på mig mina solglasögon denna vårdag till ära! Vi avlsutade med lite kaffe på Espresso House. Fika är som bekant något av det bästa jag vet 🙂

Just nu har vi portfolioprojekt i skolan. Ett krav är att vi ska ta ca 10 nya bilder som ska ingå i vår portfolio. Så jag sitter hemma och redigerar bilder och ritar idéer i min anteckningsbok. 10 bilder på två, tre veckor är ingen långsam takt; definitivt inte när man skapar bilder på det sätt som jag gör. Men det är bara att tuta och köra!

Mulet

Sitter och väntar på en vän på Starbucks. Vädret är mulet, skönt och varmt. Staden ligger inbäddad under de mjuka molnen. Min första dag på projektveckorna har börjat. Vi har tre veckor på oss att fota samt sätta ihop en portfolio. Men jag känner just nu mest för att åka ut till landet och vira en filt runt mig. Sitta ute i de friska vårvindarna och se havet skifta färg.

Helgen

I helgen har jag vilat ut, fikat i timmar på Espresso House, spelat musik med Tomas, kollat på saker i en affär, tittat på melodifestivalen, tagit med min kamera ut i vårsolen för att fota, njutit av vädret, promenerat med Tomas och till och med haft på mig mina solglasögon!

Ikväll såg jag den nya filmen Cloud Atlas på bio. Spännande film och livets resa.

Bilder från mobilen. Jag hoppas att ni haft en fin helg!

Det känns som vår

Jag sitter på ett café i Jönköping. Ensam med två tunga väskor och en dator. Bussen hem till Göteborg går om två timmar. Ute lyser solen. Det känns som vår.

Det känns som vår och jag vilar mina ögon på min framtid. Vad kommer att hända? Att jag inte listat ut det än! Jag fyller 28 år i sommar. Jag tycker själv att jag börjat bli gammal. Att jag irrat runt i många år med osäkerhet och tvivel. Känt av mina drömmar som otydliga figurer i periferin. Men ingenting att ta på, ingenting konkret.

Nu är det annorlunda. Nu vet jag vad jag vill. Vart jag ska, vem jag är, hur jag är. Vad jag behöver. Vad jag kan och vad jag inte är så bra på. Nu ska jag hem till Göteborg i tre veckor för att jobba med en portfolio. Skolan närmar sig slutet, som så många gånger förr.